I recently experienced two re-entries within a months time which felt as though I was traveling through the atmosphere without the benefit of a protective spaceship.
In early November, to save time and travel costs, I thought I’d take a brief trip to Singapore (SG) to get another India Visa. I was so certain that this was the right course of action, in part because I didn’t feel ready to relate to my former life and loved ones.
Apparently the Divine had other plans. Within 24 hours of my arrival in SG I unexpectedly discovered I had to go home. I was shocked and dismayed. Thankfully, I had a 20 hour flight home to help me transition. (I watched a lot of movies!) A couple of friends had offered to fetch me from JFK and I connected them via email to figure out which one would as I had to log off and board my flight, so I didn’t know whose face I would see there but I knew that I was taken care of. My first response at seeing I’s smiling self was gratitude and joy followed immediately by relief and a release of tears. HOME!
As I mentioned, I was so certain that my plan was also God’s plan that when it didn’t happen, I thought it might be a sign that I was not supposed to return to India. I arrived in CT on 9 Nov and found myself in a very painful void between both worlds. I maintained a low profile for the first few days to allow my body clock and my emotions to adjust to U.S. time and space.
For 9 days I prayed, and proceeded with getting rid of more stuff along with my storage unit with the help, once again, of the amazing Betsy Krobot of Betsy K Home Choreography. While I didn’t know where I would end up, I did know that I needed to keep taking steps forward. Acting ‘as if’ as they say.
Not only did I not know where I was supposed to be, I also didn’t know where I wanted to be. As the days passed I began having thoughts that I didn’t want to go back to India. I couldn’t imagine life here or there. What a conundrum!
My prayer was very simple: HELP! Hahaha…I am only partly joking. I asked to be shown what I was meant to be doing…and where. I prayed for a message so clear that even I couldn’t mistake it!
And then, on November 17th, as I was riding the train into NYC for my appointment with the Indian Visa outsourcing company I felt a shift. I very clearly knew that I wanted to go back to India. It’s no surprise that the process of getting my Visa felt blessed and 5 days later I received notification that my 1 year multi-entry Visa was approved! Yay! A big shout out to the very helpful Travisa Outsourcing gal with whom I had email and phone contact, and who called in favors to expedite the processing of my application.
Then the trepidation set in. I now had a 1 year Visa with a commitment to my teacher (and enough money at the then current exchange rate) to stay for 6 months. What was this next period going to be like? I knew some of the challenges and had already been asked to take on an important role at Skambha. Would I be able to handle it? What kinds of spiritual shifts/ insights/ transformations lay ahead? Only Gods knows.
My 2nd re-entry, back to India, was also buffered by two days in Mysore with my teacher who was paying a visit to the racetrack where she keeps a couple of horses. I slept off my jetlag and had darshans with PNB. [Darshan n. An audience with a spiritual leader, either private or in a group] I won’t go into details here but suffice to say that she told me it was time for me to let go of a key part of my identity that had been with me for decades. As unexpected as it was to hear, we both knew that I was ready. In addition, when I returned to Skambha I was received as staff and no longer a visitor. My responsibilities are bigger and I have been handling the challenges in a much more mature and able manner than I have with similar work experiences in the past. I am growing up mentally and emotionally, which is very grounding. The ladies here have noticed it, too.
Apparently I didn’t need that spaceship afterall…
Carpe Diem!
The Happy Yogini